Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I need water and some morals
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
