20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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