Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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