WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
