I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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