I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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