A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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