I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
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He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
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He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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