im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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