Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
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i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
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I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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