she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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