Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
