please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
