Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
