wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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