My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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