i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
