Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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