i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
