first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
