there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
