dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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