Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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