sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
