i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
