respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Be still, my beating vagina.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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