either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
