Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
