Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
