alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
