you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
