who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
