my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
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Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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