After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
