I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Randomize
