I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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