i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
