He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
