don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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