chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
