long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
