Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
