Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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