You're so nebulous sometimes
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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