I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
