So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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