So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
