I wannas sexs uuuuu
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
