maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
