we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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