oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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