Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize