the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
