in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
