New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
