Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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