I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
