I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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