dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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