So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
