Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
