So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
