dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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