Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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