everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
