some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
