I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
