He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
3pm strippers are depressing
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
