just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
