I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
