he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
