Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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