Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
