You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
